Monday I stood at a fork in the road. I turned one way, not the other, and it has made—will continue to make—ripples into my and other lives ahead.
I can’t tell whether I chose God’s way.
Here’s the thing. This was far from momentous. In class on Monday, my prof noted that I was not listed for any of the discussion groups. So after class, I picked between two of the discussion sections. That’s all. But for one nuance, this would have been the coin flip it was for others.
Because there’s the possibility of an unaddressed wound between me and another student. I suspect, but do not know, that she is Not Speaking To me.
So was I to attend the section that she must attend, due to her (more constricted) schedule? So that she and I would be pushed into routine communication? If she’s someone who Doesn’t Speak To people, would that be a gift of growth, or a steady insult and irritant?
Or was it better to attend the later section, and leave rapprochement for a different time and season? To give her space to freely engage the course material without being distracted by my presence?
There are other factors, other rationales.
- When my prof commented about my not having a section, various colleagues turned to me and said, “Come to ours!” We’ll call theirs 3. Strikingly, I didn’t hear from 2s or 1s. (1 is not on this decision-table because I have no intention to travel to campus for one hour, mid-day.)
- 3 happens on Thursdays at 1pm. 2 happens on Thursdays at 9:30. I have another class on Thursdays from 8-9:30am.
- I don’t like the idea of hustling from my class to my discussion section.
- I like the spaciousness of having time to chat with colleagues after class. I really like the ease of having time to finish my readings before 3, should I so choose-!
- If I attended 2, I would have a broad sweep of day after finishing school-time at 10:30am.
With 3, my day is class, 3 hours, discussion, and about 4 hours. (Assuming My Sweetie’s exercise class keeps on keepin’ on Thursdays.)
- The registrar says that 2 is quite full, even overbalanced, and 3 has the smallest number of students.
If I didn’t suspect this breach, would I have made the same choice?
Did God intend to use me in a particular way?
How, in the middle of all the breaths of possibilities and the whispers of God’s discerning, do I figure which whispers are the wise ones?
Anyway, I chose 3. It starts in a few minutes!